This is a bit of an unashamedly self indulgent post. If you read on you will see the words “I” and “I’ve” quite a lot. The intended audience for this post is me. Its an attempt to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head and written down. Why make it public? It may be of interest or use to someone. If it isn’t for you then I won’t be offended.
As I’ve said before on this blog, I am returning to the hobby after a break of about ten years. I haven’t shut myself off totally to wargaming, it’s just that my interaction with it has been passive rather than active. I have been the owner of 2 yahoo groups for about ten years, I follow about 25 or 30 gaming blogs and I read The Miniatures Page pretty much daily. I have even bought quite a few rules sets and read them over.
However, in between my last game of Full Thrust back in 2002 and a desire to get active again last year I have been struggling to justify an interest in a hobby that simulates something which causes so much horror and suffering to people all over the world.
A lot has happened since 2002. I have become older and wiser and now have a family. There have been many events, both personal and in the wider world, that have changed the way I look at things.
Sometimes I have a moral struggle with my hobby as it makes a game out of something that involves people (innocent and otherwise) dying. Is it right to get enjoyment from simulating something that inflicts so much horror and suffering on people?
Then out of the blue it hit me. I am not actually simulating wars. I am simulating the books I read, the movies and TV shows I watch and the computer games I play. My earliest memory of this was recreating the opening scene from Star Wars using Arifix modern Germans as storm-troopers and modern British as rebel troopers. And all this happened less than a foot away from where I am as I type this post.
I actually feel embarrassed telling anyone I collect miniature soldiers let alone admit I play games with them. My hobby is a very personal and private thing for me. I have been a member of several clubs in the past and have met some great people, but I never felt truly comfortable. I was actually happier when I was painting and scratch-building on my own. I was more comfortable testing out rules, playing both sides myself than I was playing against an opponent. For me it is more about creating a story than playing a game.
So with that all finally cleared up it’s time to get on with the story.
Your not alone by any means. I value the collecting, building and painting more than the gaming. I game almost exclusively solo now, and just try to create fun narratives for the games, and the hope someday of having nice terrain and figures to photograph those scenarios.
So, relax, there are lots of us who much prefer the introverted side of the hobby!
JIM
Thanks Jim. I suppose by it’s very nature the introverted side of the hobby isn’t talked about very much! Good to know there are others out there like me.
Cheers
Thomas
While I have no problem telling, and explaining to people what I do for a hobby (probably comes from a stint working for GW back in the day) I also share an aversion to playing moderns and “recent” historicals for the same reasons you mention. I do like collecting them occasionally, but I try and stick to Sci-Fi, or maybe cthulhu or zombie-type gaming. While I not only really like Sci-Fi stuff, I also don’t have any thoughts that the little guys I’m pushing around and pushing over for casualties actually represent real people. It’s more of a fiction, like you mentioned.
My buddy and I hang out almost every week. And its not usually to play, we usually paint and build terrain and just hang out. I think it helps both of our painting and building since we try and challenge each other to do better and learn from each other.
Great article!
Mr Harold, My feelings pretty much echo your comments. I started gaming with ultra modern micro armour in the mid 80’s when I was in my teens (I still have my first batch of Heroics & Ros Challengers, Scimitars and Warriors). I’m still interested in moderns but can’t bring myself to directly game the period. I prefer my Sci-Fi to be “realistic” and gritty and I’m well aware that I’m using it as a proxy for moderns.
Cheers
Thomas
I would echo your sentiments about this hobby and will say its up to you what you do regardless of others. I’ve bookmarked your blog and look forward to your future posts. Keep up the good work!
This item creeps up time and again. First let me quote Phil Barker: “there are no tin widows !”. And like you say: we are not playing war, we are playing movies. The armies we paint are not really real (the soldiers at Waterloo were completely covered with mud, but no one paints them brown ;-)). Decide not to play “modern” is an individual choice: the chance of an emotional consequence is more possible than for instance with the Seven Years War although that war surely was as cruel as conflicts today. But someone who experienced Vietnam or Iraq or Afghanistan (to name a few) will of course feel different with model soldiers that look like fallen comrades.
The essential of any hobby is “have fun”. If anything does not give fun, then just do not do it. That is not “bad” or “childish” or “bleeding heart”. The only thing you have to remember is that while YOU do not play it, others probably will – and you are not allowed to critisize them for it.
I solo and game face to face. I also find the collecting and painting very rewarding. I even share your feeling of not wanting to game modern conflicts. Conflicts dating back to the beginning of WW2 are right out for me. OK, I’ve been known to game WW2 but generally I don’t go out of my way to game it. When I do, I volunteer to play the allied side. I can’t stand the thought of attacking the Americans or Britishs. I asked a Friend of mine (a Desert Storm vet) if he would ever game Desert Storm or any other modern conflict. He said, “Nope. I had enough the first go around.” He too, cuts off at WW2.
I’ve been a solo gamer most of my gaming career. This has been due to a combination of reasons such as my schedule and locations while active duty military, lack of interest by any fellow gamers in the periods or scope of games in which I’m interested. At different times and location with different casts of characters: (me: gladiators in the arena. him: Napoleonic brigades. me: small scale historical battles such as you’d find today in SAGA. Him: D&D. me: the ability to get in an actual game with results. Him: SPI mega games that take nearly if not all of the available time setting up the counters, then no ability to leave the game set up to play later. And so on…and that doesn’t even cover the obnoxious, unreliable, rule lawyering, power gaming, and other “niceties” of face to face gaming) I’ve only been in a good gaming group once, and would play again for the social aspect, just haven’t found it.
Solo also allows me the flexibility to do things you just can’t do easily or at all in FTF gaming. Anyone who has ever tried to run a campaign knows the difficulties in the “cat herding” that can accompany the process. Others may also not be interested in all of the mechanics you’d like to use. Solo, you also have the ability to easily handle off-table events as simply as you like such as with a dice roll against a table, or a judgment call on your own, or, decide that even though it is a minor incident in the grand scheme of things, you might want to game the one-off battle of mounted pickets chasing after a scouting party. You can also adjust rules on the fly, such as when trying a new set and finding something is either missing, or doesn’t work well. Similarly, you can use different rules within the game. In my ongoing solo western campaign, I’ve already used Six Gun Sound – Blaze of Glory, The Rules With No Name, Matrix Game Master Emulator, as well as some specific house rules. Try doing all of that with a group!
But for me, the biggest driver remains my work schedule over which I have no control. Solo gaming allows me to play what I want, stop time when I must, pick back up when I can, all without interfering with the group and their expectations of my participation.
Cheers,
JJ
As an avid solo gamer with a similar moral bent, I can strongly concur with many of your sentiments. I have always been an avid student of military history, but as I have gotten older, I have definitely felt more qualms about gaming recent history, or even modern “what-if’s”. More recently, I had the experience of a beloved family pet of nineteen years pass away in my arms. The experience completely transformed my views on death and the sanctity of life, whether it be for animals or humans. I love wargaming, but I simply cannot now bring myself to game out real world scenerios-recent or from the past-that involve killing. Like you, I have established almost all my gaming in sci-fi or fantasy worlds. Sure, there is quite a bit of proxying going on (sci-fi Rorke’s Drift, anyone?), but the violence that I play out is much more akin to cartoon or movie violence. For these reasons, for my own rather introverted nature, and for my love of playing out campaigns that unfold some sort of story, my tabletop gaming is almost exclusively solo now. Good stuff, and it works for me!
I play solo as well both wargames and rpg’s as wargames. I’ve been collecting mins and books for over 33 years. Had gaming groups but as people get older, grow up and move away. It’s hard to find the time to get together and play with family, work and life coming first. I’m just glad that I’m not alone playing games solo.